Adult Child Relationship
If you want to create a healthy connection with your adult child, then you get to show up as a calm, confident mom.
What does a calm, confident mom look like?
Adult Child: “You always liked my sibling better than me!” replace with your adult child’s complaint)
Mom: “Please tell me more. I want to listen and learn from you.”
What happens most often is that the adult child complains to you, your heart rate increases, fear takes over and your brain is spinning with thoughts like these:
“This kid is so ungrateful! I did the best I could.” (Defensive)
“How can she talk to me this way? My parents would NEVER have allowed me to act like this!” (Offended)
“I sacrificed everything to give him a good life; now he’s telling me that I was a horrible mom.” (Victim)
“I am so sorry! Please I’ll do anything to make it right.” (Desperate)
“Once again, I screwed up. I should never have had kids.” (Worthless)
“What a liar! None of this ever happened!” (Judgmental)
You end up trying to explain to your adult child why you did what you did and often your adult child hangs up believing that you really don’t want to make the relationship better.
The reason you react this way is because you have a primal brain that sends you into panic and then you aren’t able to respond from your evolved, higher brain.
You end up bursting into tears or ranting in anger (or both) but still don’t have connection with your adult child.
I wasn’t always a Life Coach. I am also a Certified Public Accountant. Numbers are my specialty and I have survived tax season after tax season and lived to tell the tale.
Coaching was a game changer in my life. Relationships that were good before became great and strained relationships began to heal. I began to trust myself and embrace the good, the bad and the ugly parts of my life. In short, my life became happier and that’s why I decided to become a Certified Life Coach – so that your life can be happier too.
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Being Calm and Confident
If you want to be a calm, confident mom then you get to learn how to compassionately listen to your adult child even when what they are saying is hard to hear.
You focus on what they are saying without taking it personally.
You genuinely believe that you are good enough and that your adult child is good enough too.
You remember that your adult child is trying to share an experience with you because they want to heal.
You recognize and feel your emotions instead of pushing them away.
You treat yourself with kindness and compassion – releasing criticism of your past.
You grieve the loss of how you thought your adult child relationship was going to be.
You respond (instead of react) as the mom you always wanted to be: without judgment, with kindness and compassion.
You set healthy boundaries, when necessary, to increase positive connection and respect in your relationship.
You accept that the timing of connection is unknown but that when/if the opportunity presents itself, you are ready.
You allow your adult child their viewpoint without diminishing it or trying to change it.
You know that whatever the future holds, you will be fine.
Coaching with me is the easiest way to become a calm and confident mom who is ready for connection when the opportunity presents itself.
Parents today are often caught in a generational “catch 22”. We were taught to respect and honor our parents which meant that we were “expected” to do certain things: show up at holiday gatherings, be civil to our family (esp parents) and respond when our parents wanted or needed something. Sure there were always some estrangements in families but that was the exception, not the rule.
As parents, we taught our children similar things but additionally taught them that they can be whomever they want. Simply put, many of our children are doing exactly what we taught them to do: be whomever they want to be….which doesn’t always include “being” in a relationship with their parents….especially if they perceive that relationship to be unhealthy for them.
When we were children, nobody was teaching us how to have healthy relationships. We certainly weren’t taught how to feel our emotions or even recognize them. Our adult children want a different experience.…even if they aren’t always sure how to get it. That’s one reason estrangement seems like a good option to your adult child.
So what can you do? Take control of your life. I know you feel like the rug has been pulled out from under you but the truth is that you are PIVOTAL to healing your adult child relationship. You just don’t have the tools to do it….until now. As your coach, I will teach you and help you practice what you learn.
Every bit of healing that you embrace ripples out to every person in your life, including the adult child who refuses to speak to you. Your healing affects their healing.
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How To Know if Coaching is Right for You:
- You’ve spent way too much time listening to mean, judgmental thoughts about yourself
- You struggle to know what you’re feeling except when you’re angry, happy or sad
- You feel afraid of letting your emotions get “out of control”
- You look to other people to help you make decisions
- You are uncomfortable being around people who disagree with you
- You react to others before thinking about the consequences
- Your boundaries are ultimatums
- You push away grief (and other emotions) instead of processing them
- You put yourself last 99.9% of the time….well, when you were delivering a baby, you did put yourself first that time….
- You don’t feel confident speaking up about what is important to you (unless you’re really mad)
Let’s talk. Tell me what is happening in your life.
Book a FREE 60 minute Consult where we discuss what’s going on for you and how working together can create deeper connection and happiness in your life!