When I married Michael, I immediately went from a mother of 1 child to a mother of 3 children. I was deeply in love with Michael and very committed to our family. My ex-husband and I actually got along very well. In fact, he was my friend who listened to all the possibilities my future held in store for me between our divorce and my remarriage. We discussed Michael and the ups and downs of a blended family (we actually didn’t know any but we discussed them anyway).
Thom always respected Michael….I’m not kidding. I didn’t realize it at first but when we were in Arkansas vising Patti, an ice storm hit and I really, really, REALLY didn’t want to drive home in the ice. I called Thom (my ex) to tell him what was going on and can you believe it…he actually started giving me a “talk” about how level headed Michael was and how he wouldn’t do anything to put us in danger…blah, blah, blah.
I mean really?!?! That’s just not right. A woman shouldn’t have to listen to her ex list all of the fine attributes of her current husband……especially when she’s panicked for her life!
Since I’m writing this post, I guess you figured out that we lived and made it back to Texas safely. I think it was because of my good relationship with Thom that I didn’t go into my marriage with a real sense of how blending a family would be. But maybe love for Michael would have fogged that reality anyway. Blending a family is not for the faint of heart. Being a stepparent can be a pretty thankless job….on many levels. Stepchildren often feel that they are having to live the hell of their parent’s decisions and mistakes. Then there’s the guilt of the divorce from the biological parents.
Resentment, guilt, anger, shame, hurt, pain….all of the emotions of the broken marriage move into the blended family. The kids feel it. The blended parents feel it. For the most part, two people marry with the hopes that their blended family of children will get along and love each other. That their family will become “bigger and better” just because the support system has increased. And that may happen…..maybe…..
If you’re “done” with lugging around all of the baggage from your divorce or the baggage of blending a family….
If you’re worn out from pushing against the tornado….
If you’re ready to heal…..to actually BE the person that is truly happy in your blended family….
I can help.
You can find yourself again.
You can love yourself again.